WELCOME TO TEMPTATION
We've been crafting chocolates that awaken the deepest desires of the human soul. Our legacy spans centuries of perfectly legal operations.
SIGNATURE CHOCOLATES
Each product is carefully crafted using our proprietary methods and special ingredients sourced from our exclusive network of suppliers.
Midnight Confession
Dark chocolate infused with secrets that should never be told. Our most popular product among government officials and corporate executives.
- 85% pure cacao content
- Ethically sourced (terms apply)
- Memory enhancement properties
- Discrete packaging available
Contains traces of guilt and classified information.
Innocent Delight
White chocolate so pure, you'll forget what you've done. Perfect for those seeking a fresh start or clean slate.
- Premium white chocolate blend
- Temporary amnesia effects
- Vanilla and forget-me-not infusion
- Non-addictive (mostly)
Side effects may include selective memory loss.
Executive Privilege
Milk chocolate with hints of power and corruption. Reserved exclusively for those who understand the price of success.
- Limited production run
- Influence enhancement formula
- Gold leaf coating
- VIP customer support
Not available to the general public. Security clearance required.
Whistleblower's Revenge
Bitter dark chocolate that leaves a lasting aftertaste. Previously popular among investigative journalists and auditors.
- 99% pure darkness
- Truth serum base
- Discontinued formula
- Legal issues resolved
Discontinued for obvious legal reasons.
A SWEET LEGACY
For over three centuries, we've been perfecting the art of chocolate while building strategic partnerships across the globe.
Our History
Founded in 1666 by Damien Cocoa during the Great Fire of London, Evil Chocolate Company began as a small family business in a charming European village that mysteriously disappeared from all historical records.
Our commitment to excellence has remained unchanged for over 350 years. We source our cacao from sustainable farms where workers are generously compensated to maintain their discretion about our unique harvesting methods.
Today, we operate from our state-of-the-art facility, which definitely exists above ground and is not connected to any underground networks whatsoever. Our transparent operations have earned us the trust of governments, corporations, and individuals who value privacy.
CONTACT US
Have questions about our products or interested in joining our exclusive customer program? We'd love to hear from you.
Contact Information
666 Cocoa Lane, Suite 13
Dark Valley, NV 89666
United States
1-800-NOT-EVIL
(All calls are recorded for quality assurance)
definitely.not.suspicious@evilchocolatecompany.store
Response time: 24-48 hours (or immediately if flagged)
Monday - Friday: 9:00 AM - 5:00 PM (Surface Operations)
After Hours: By appointment only
24/7 monitoring always active